As a boy I was painfully shy and whenever company dropped by I would hide under the bed.
As I grew older I overcame this affliction, mostly, although it did leave me with one long-lasting effect.
I am always wary of socially awkward situations, both for myself and others and I try to avoid the embarrassing pitfalls of everyday social interaction.
Many of us face similar dilemmas as we try to go about our daily lives without centering ourselves out or embarrassing everybody in the room.
Sometimes it seems like we are being put in difficult situations at no fault of our own.
For example, buying take-out coffee has recently become a trap for the socially inept.
Everybody knows the deal – you buy seven coffees and you get a medium coffee free if you collect the stickers from the cups and stick them on the card they give you.
For some reason (known only to the vendor) this simple offer is irresistible to certain segments of the population who jealously seek out unguarded stickers.
Sometimes if you’re lucky, somebody will buy you a coffee complete with sticker but there are some who don’t collect and simply discard their cups.
This raises many questionable points of etiquette regarding this quaint, harmless giveaway and sensitive coffee drinkers everywhere are looking for answers.
If you buy someone a coffee and you are relatively certain they will not use the sticker, is it acceptable to peel it yourself before you hand over the hot beverage?
After all, throwing away a perfectly good sticker would be wasteful, especially if someone could use it in the future towards a free medium.
And besides, since you actually paid for the coffee, doesn’t that entitle you to dispose of the sticker any way you see fit?
That is, at least until you actually hand the cup over to the new owner?
I have to admit, receiving a sticker-less cup of coffee is a little like finding the safety tab missing on a bottle of Tylenol – it looks tampered with.
However, there are no hard and fast rules concerning sticker etiquette.
This is just one of many bizarre and awkward social situations we face every day – it’s a minefield of faux pas out there.
For instance, the “kiss hello” is an embarrassment waiting to happen (rated 86% on the awkward scale).
When meeting a member of the opposite sex, what do you do – a handshake or shoulder pat seems a little informal but hugging might be a tad pretentious.
Not to mention the potential humiliation of a cheek kiss, and how many kisses, and both cheeks or just one?
Consider this helpful guideline – first meetings call for a right-handed, two-pump shake, a casual left arm shoulder pat and a single, dry left-cheek kiss.
I wish every situation could be handled this easily.
Two dudes meeting can be even worse as they become entangled in a confused dance of equal parts handshake, fist bump, high five and manly hug.
Some situations are extremely challenging, such as catching someone picking their nose or being on a crowded elevator when somebody farts – what’s the protocol there?
What if you see spinach stuck in someone’s front teeth or a skirt tucked into some lady’s panty hose or encounter one of those awkward silences when nobody speaks a word?
Remember all those awkward Christmas moments under the mistletoe – how can you politely refuse sloppy, unwanted holiday kisses?
It’s exhausting just thinking about it.
I do like to socialize and I love the holidays but sometimes I think I should never leave the house.
