Out of respect and reverence for the observance of Valentine’s Day I have waited until the end of the February month to pen this entry into the Credit Coach blog catalogue.
Each year many of us take Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to share our heart with a spouse, a friend or a partner. Yet, while we may be willing to share our feelings of love, many Canadians admit they aren’t talking about their finances with their significant other.
As a Licensed Insolvency Trustee and credit counsellor I am often perplexed by the number of couples that I work with that do not communicate with their partners about money or finances. A recent Ipsos poll for BDO First Call Debt Solutions found that over one-third (36 per cent) of couples rarely or never discuss personal finances.
The common belief is that strong relationships are built on a foundation of trust, honesty and open communication. We look to our primary relationship for protection and security. In our poll, 44 per cent of baby boomers admit that having little to no credit card debt is an admirable trait in their spouse or partner. So, if financial security (and lack of debt) is so important at this stage of life, why aren’t couples talking openly about money throughout the duration of the relationship?
Why do couples keep money secrets?
In my practice, most couples I assist point to a fear of being judged by their partner as a reason for keeping financial secrets. Arguments over money can quickly lead to financial mismanagement. The result is often not only the end of a relationship, but the loss of a family home and personal bankruptcy.
Why do couples keep secrets? Perhaps it’s a hidden addiction or a hidden spending problem. It could be a secret never revealed at the beginning of a relationship that seemed to get harder and harder to admit to as the relationship grew and time elapsed. None of us want to be judged, especially by someone we care about.
Lack of trust between spouses or partners is another issue I see in my practice. We often work with couples that keep financial secrets because they do not trust their partner with the information, or they’re scared that by opening up financially they risk being controlled or hurt in the relationship.
What can you do to open the dialogue?
If you find yourself in either of these situations perhaps what is needed is some open dialogue with your partner about financial habits and goals.
A great place to start is by creating a budget together. Working on a joint plan will allow you to have a conversation with your partner about your finances while taking action to control the situation. According to our poll, 36 per cent of Canadians wish their partners kept better track of their spending. So, even if the discussion is difficult, if you’re proactive about keeping a budget and keeping tabs on your spending, your partner will see that you are attacking the problem head on.
If the relationship is a long-term partnership perhaps speaking to a budgeting specialist at your community credit counselling or financial wellness provider is the first step in the right direction.
Don’t be afraid to discuss your goals. If you can confirm that you and your partner share the same retirement dreams and savings goals and are of like mind on the use of credit it may ease your fears and allow for a fulsome discussion on finances.
If you find you are having trouble talking about your personal finances (and especially your debt) with your significant other, you are not alone. Only about half of the millennials in our poll admit they talked with their partners about finances in the first six months of their relationship. Take active steps to be part of the half that does.
Have you had the money talk with your partner? How often do you discuss finances? How has it changed your relationship? Post a comment or join the conversation using the hashtags #DebtSolutions and #LoveAndMoney.
Jayson Stoppel is a Licensed Insolvency Trustee and Chartered Accountant with BDO First Call Debt Solutions. With over 17 years in practice, Jayson assists individuals, families and companies with financial difficulties in Thunder Bay and throughout Northwest Ontario. To reach Jayson by email: JStoppel@BDO.ca . To visit Jayson on Twitter: @CreditCoachJS.
