There was a frost warning last week on Labour Day. It was just a warning but hard-working Canadians know what comes next.
It’s easy to leap out of bed on a warm summer morning when the sun is shining and the birds are singing. On days like that we all whistle while we work.
But in a few short weeks that morning ritual will become a lot more challenging. Getting up for work on a cold, snowy winter morning and heading outside to shovel the driveway is sometimes too much for northerners to bear.
Some days all they want to do is crawl back into a nice, warm bed. Sometimes they just phone in sick.
According to a recent survey more than half of working Canadians feel exactly the same way and do the same thing. We lie. The numbers show that 52 per cent of us have faked an illness to get a day off work.
The responsible adult in me is a little concerned about this nation-wide deception but the slacker in me says, “I feel your pain. Stay warm my friends.”
Unfortunately, before you stick your feet back between those warm, flannel sheets you have one unpleasant task to perform. You have to call the boss.
With over half of Canadian workers calling in pretending to be sick, productivity and morale are probably going to suffer.
But let’s not beat up on ourselves. This is a global phenomenon and we aren’t the only ones slacking off.
Australia is even worse at 58 per cent and India boasts a 62 per cent rate for lying and blowing off work. Topping the list for misbehaviour is China where 71 per cent of workers are faking it.
I wonder if all those fake illnesses are affecting the global flu statistics. Flu-like symptoms are very popular when faking an ailment. On any given day millions could be faking the flu – avian, swine or otherwise. Absenteeism is the real pandemic.
The lowest rate of worker dishonesty, at 16 per cent, belongs to France. Coincidentally, French workers also enjoy the most generous paid vacation with a minimum of thirty days off. With all those holidays who needs to lie to the boss?
Speaking of lying to the boss, there are a few things you should remember if you hope to successfully fake an illness to get a day off work. Paying attention to details could mean the difference between a relaxing day at home and dirty looks from your boss and co-workers.
If you choose to phone in sick yourself it’s better to call early when your voice will sound rough from sleeping and snoring. If you lie on your back while talking you will sound even groggier.
Make the call short and to the point. Don’t throw in a lot of detail that could trip you up later. Severe headaches or stomach ailments usually work but be prepared for questions when you return to work. It’s best to rehearse your story to get the details right.
The more objectionable the fake ailment you choose, the less likely the boss will ask embarrassing questions. For men this means anything involving diarrhea and women can refer vaguely to female problems with impunity.
All this information is readily available to all prospective fakers.
I was surprised by the detailed plans and suggestions that can be found and I had trouble taking them seriously.
One idea is to set up your fake sick day by complaining and faking symptoms a day ahead when your co-workers can see you. That way, when you call in with a phony excuse the next day they will back you up and may even feel sorry for you.
Including the Chinese, playing hooky from work is the pastime of millions. For dedicated pranksters, alibi and excuse services are available on line. For a small fee you can have access to a virtual doctor’s office.
Any lie you would like to tell or any ailment you would like to fake can be facilitated by professionals while you enjoy your day off. Fake doctor’s notes are only a click away. If the boss checks up on you, your lie will be discreetly maintained. This devious service is for serious full-time slackers only.
There was a frost warning again last night. Canadian workers will soon have to decide whether to get out there and scrape the windshield or just roll over and go back to sleep.
Many will just hit the snooze button and fake it one more time.
It’s easy to leap out of bed on a warm summer morning when the sun is shining and the birds are singing. On days like that we all whistle while we work.
But in a few short weeks that morning ritual will become a lot more challenging. Getting up for work on a cold, snowy winter morning and heading outside to shovel the driveway is sometimes too much for northerners to bear.
Some days all they want to do is crawl back into a nice, warm bed. Sometimes they just phone in sick.
According to a recent survey more than half of working Canadians feel exactly the same way and do the same thing. We lie. The numbers show that 52 per cent of us have faked an illness to get a day off work.
The responsible adult in me is a little concerned about this nation-wide deception but the slacker in me says, “I feel your pain. Stay warm my friends.”
Unfortunately, before you stick your feet back between those warm, flannel sheets you have one unpleasant task to perform. You have to call the boss.
With over half of Canadian workers calling in pretending to be sick, productivity and morale are probably going to suffer.
But let’s not beat up on ourselves. This is a global phenomenon and we aren’t the only ones slacking off.
Australia is even worse at 58 per cent and India boasts a 62 per cent rate for lying and blowing off work. Topping the list for misbehaviour is China where 71 per cent of workers are faking it.
I wonder if all those fake illnesses are affecting the global flu statistics. Flu-like symptoms are very popular when faking an ailment. On any given day millions could be faking the flu – avian, swine or otherwise. Absenteeism is the real pandemic.
The lowest rate of worker dishonesty, at 16 per cent, belongs to France. Coincidentally, French workers also enjoy the most generous paid vacation with a minimum of thirty days off. With all those holidays who needs to lie to the boss?
Speaking of lying to the boss, there are a few things you should remember if you hope to successfully fake an illness to get a day off work. Paying attention to details could mean the difference between a relaxing day at home and dirty looks from your boss and co-workers.
If you choose to phone in sick yourself it’s better to call early when your voice will sound rough from sleeping and snoring. If you lie on your back while talking you will sound even groggier.
Make the call short and to the point. Don’t throw in a lot of detail that could trip you up later. Severe headaches or stomach ailments usually work but be prepared for questions when you return to work. It’s best to rehearse your story to get the details right.
The more objectionable the fake ailment you choose, the less likely the boss will ask embarrassing questions. For men this means anything involving diarrhea and women can refer vaguely to female problems with impunity.
All this information is readily available to all prospective fakers.
I was surprised by the detailed plans and suggestions that can be found and I had trouble taking them seriously.
One idea is to set up your fake sick day by complaining and faking symptoms a day ahead when your co-workers can see you. That way, when you call in with a phony excuse the next day they will back you up and may even feel sorry for you.
Including the Chinese, playing hooky from work is the pastime of millions. For dedicated pranksters, alibi and excuse services are available on line. For a small fee you can have access to a virtual doctor’s office.
Any lie you would like to tell or any ailment you would like to fake can be facilitated by professionals while you enjoy your day off. Fake doctor’s notes are only a click away. If the boss checks up on you, your lie will be discreetly maintained. This devious service is for serious full-time slackers only.
There was a frost warning again last night. Canadian workers will soon have to decide whether to get out there and scrape the windshield or just roll over and go back to sleep.
Many will just hit the snooze button and fake it one more time.
