Calling all the single ladies

Canada has often played kid brother to the U.S. 

We’re not as flashy as our sibling but we do all right.

We make friends easily because of our connection to the popular kid. And in recent years, we’ve received a few hand-me-downs – the most recent being The Bachelor Canada. 

And hold on to your stilettos girls, Citytv is holding auditions from coast to coast for the show starting on Feb. 19 in Vancouver. 

That will be followed by Calgary, Winnipeg, Toronto, Montreal and Halifax. 

According to the rules, the ladies must be single, based on the producer’s definition of “single.” 

Really? If they need a definition of the term, perhaps “lady” doesn’t really apply here.  They must also be at least 19 – because by that age, we know exactly how to choose a life-mate.

The show’s executive producer says they’re searching for bachelorettes who “represent the true scope of the vibrant, fun and fearless women here in Canada.” 

Notice how they didn’t say intelligent. (They do, after all, want applicants.) 

In fact, they want gals who will skydive, ski, parasail, but not sue them for any injuries sustained during filming. 

Apparently, risky behaviour is the key to true love, or in this case, the key to this “extraordinary opportunity for [those] on a quest for love.” 

Again, really?

Out of 23 seasons of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, only one couple has made it to matrimony. Oh, there have been a few marriages between former contestants. Got to love such a big happy incestuous family. 

But given the success rate of the rose ceremony, who would go this route?

While the cameras role, you cannot be anything resembling yourself. So choose your character wisely.

Are you the diva who might be too high maintenance?

Or the girl-next-door that could be missed altogether? 

Will you catfight for the drama and to heck with your self-respect?  Or be a lady and bore viewers to tears?

Of course, at some point, there will be a hot tub. There’s always a hot tub.  So start doing those squats ladies!

There’s nothing worse than a sea of post-Canadian-winter cellulite and white skin magnified in bubbling green-tinged water. 

And producers definitely want to keep this Canadian. But what exactly does that mean?

The U.S. show travelled all over the world and maintained its American roots.

Will our dates have to involve eating boiled maple sugar on snow or clubbing a harp seal? 

And the girls applying don’t even know who the guy is yet. How far would you go for a blind date? 

Remember, it’s not about a good match. It’s about good TV.  

But this is Canada and we certainly approach things a little differently here.

So this fall, I personally can’t wait to hear what comes after those famous words, “Never before in Bachelor history …”