Strength of a woman

Earlier this year, actress Candace Cameron Buré, the former beloved D. J. Tanner from Full House, was attacked for her views on marriage. 

In her new biography, she had written that she takes a “submissive” role to her husband. And online and on television, people reacted with outrage to this obviously erroneous and antiquated perspective. 

I’m not going to argue how best to be a wife.  That’s a steaming pile of controversy I have no business entering.  But Buré’s viewpoint stressed that she and her husband were “equal in importance but different … in [their] roles.” 

She said she makes her opinion “very clear” but she “allow[s] him to make the final choice” because it’s very difficult to have two heads of authority.

You may not like it, but can you argue its effectiveness? Her 17-year marriage is going strong at a time when even The Captain and Tennille are calling it quits.

In fact, Buré’s ideology sounds a lot like the perspective of the iconic mothers I watched on TV growing up: June Cleaver, Donna Stone and their successors. Quiet, capable, and confident in their roles in the family.

But over the years while women’s lib and female roles developed, the iconic mother role started to disappear from the television landscape. 

Today, the mother/wife ideals of the past are met with derision, not reverence. Their roles are not valued. Their strengths are not recognized.

In the ’80s, women aimed to become Claire Huxtable – wife, mother of five and a successful lawyer.  She ran the home and laid down the law with the kids.  Forget waiting ’til your father got home.  She took care of it by herself.

But even as TV moms changed, their core character remained.  Marion Cunningham may have appeared the slightly naïve at-home wife on Happy Days.  But I saw the backbone that would stand up to anyone for her family.

In Elyse Keaton’s debates with the outspoken Alex P. Keaton, I saw how having your say but stepping back could prove your strength. 
And then there was Edith Bunker.  At first, she appeared a little milquetoast. She cowed to Archie and waited on him hand and foot.

But upon getting to know her, viewers discovered that despite her devotion to her opinionated husband, Edith voted her own way, had her own friends – even black and homosexual ones! – and put her foot down with Archie on occasion. She shared her feelings but honoured others. 

And when she “died” in 1982, viewers mourned her passing as though they’d lost their own mom.

And yet, we would condemn Candace Cameron Buré for her similar views and family structure.

Sure, it’s 2014 and these moms are 30 or more years gone. 

But they remain in our hearts for a reason. They taught us something of value.

In nature, the most powerful force is not necessarily the loudest or gives the biggest bang. 

It’s the one that quietly and consistently does its job, adjusting to the environment but continuing on its path.  Like water cutting through rock, it’s unstoppable.

Just like a wife. 

Just like a mom.