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The year's hottest villain

You might have seen Friday night’s line-up on Global Thunder Bay and thought, “There’s been a mistake.” At 9 p.m. you’ll see Avalanche Sharks. Perhaps you thought, “Avalanche means snow and mountain.

You might have seen Friday night’s line-up on Global Thunder Bay and thought, “There’s been a mistake.” 

At 9 p.m. you’ll see Avalanche Sharks.

Perhaps you thought, “Avalanche means snow and mountain. Sharks mean warm and water. The two together do not compute.” Perhaps you’re thinking too much.

Sharks have been gobbling up the direct-to-late-night and -video market for years now. Sure, we usually battle them underwater. But times change. 

Only a fool wouldn’t expect them to eventually take the fight to us. 

Most recently, it was the 2013 cable TV hit Sharknado that took viewers by, er, storm. 

And no wonder! Sharks are the simplest of villains with the least number of politically correct special interest groups backing them.  And having grown up watching Killer Klowns and vicious tomatoes with teeth, I can attest that sharks will continue to have a solid career in the horror B movie genre.  

Why? Sharks naturally strike fear into the hearts of swimmers everywhere.  To quote Jaws, all they do is “eat and make little sharks.” 
And when you cut them open, everything and anything, including the most inedible items, seem to fall out. 

And they’ve been around a long time – stone-age long time. So is it really that unbelievable that this Friday, a pre-historic snow shark, who has been awakened after millions of years by an avalanche, will be feeling a little peckish? 

And who better to be served up as hors d’oeuvres than bikini-clad co-eds? (Admit it. Some of them deserve it.)

So get your popcorn and call your friends.  Friday night could be downright cathartic for those still holding high school grudges. 

After that, you’ll be ready for the second biggest news out of Hollywood in 2014: Sharknado, the sequel, has been confirmed. 

I repeat: Sharknado 2 has been confirmed. Take cover and avoid New York City. Stock up on chainsaws if possible and review old episodes of Beverly Hills, 90210.

Ian Ziering (who will forever be Steve Sanders to those 30 to 45 years) and Tara Reid are returning to the small screen for the oh-so-made-for-TV-movie, Sharknado 2: The Second One.

For those of you who missed “The First One,” in 2013 sharks were caught in tornados that hit Los Angeles.  Fortunately, Ian, Tara and their trusty chainsaw were there to save the day.

And you had to feel sorry for those poor unsuspecting pretty Californians who were just going about their business, working on their tans, getting Botox when wham!  A shark falls from the sky and swallows them.  That’s got to put a dent in your day.

But this time, the deadly fish are attacking the Statue of Liberty. 

I’m not sure if Ian comes to New York to hunt the sharks or if they followed him to the Big Apple for payback.  But all will be revealed in July 2014.

For now, consider this Friday to be your appetizer.





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