Wipeout therapy

Remember as a kid jumping two feet into the deepest mud puddle you could find?

Remember the thrill of the perfect cannonball into the pool? These memories are why those who have been exposed to ABC’s Wipeout love it so.

This is a rather silly game of oversized and well-padded obstacle courses in which players get knocked around, do face plants, and generally wipe-out before bouncing back up and trying again (the clock is ticking, after all).

And why? Well, the cash prize is a pretty good incentive.

But what’s in it for the viewers?

Childhood.

Wipeout appears to tap into our cerebral cortex, mining for those childhood escapades that had our parents promising punishment and the mental health department threatening a 72-hour assessment. Others just say it’s cool! Which is why after watching just one episode, potential contestants are lined up to play.

Wipeout is more than a game. It’s a social project that has infiltrated the dating world. Imagine you’re dressed up, hair done and extra schpritzed for that all important first date. Make that, first blind date.

And instead, you’re pummelled, bounced around and thrown in water while your potential paramour yells at you.

That’s what they did to 12 couples. Producers will also do their best to undermine the most delicate of institutions with the "Family Edition." Likely the women’s movement will also take a hit on "Ladies Night."

And now, with a splat, it’s rolled over the Canadian border. Why? Well, Americans might be the Lords of the Stupid Stunts, but Canucks have harder heads.

We send our kids out to play hockey for hours in sub-zero temperatures on frozen ponds to toughen up.

Throwing rocks

Then we throw rocks at other rocks and scream while furiously sweeping a perfectly clean sheet of indoor ice. In spring, we jump into still-frozen lakes because a crowd gathered to watch.

With a little heckling and one verse of "The Cat Came Back the Very Next Day," we’ll leap head first into anything.

Yes, if anyone has the psychosis to sign up for a show that requires taking repeated hits and coming back for more, it’s Canadians.

Egging on Wipeout Canada’s chumps – sorry, contestants – will be Jonathan Torrens (Street Cents), Enis Esmer (The Listener), and Jessica Phillips (actress, probably still lives at home).
Applications must be completed online at wipeoutcanada.com before the July 1 Canada Day deadline.

Then "lucky" Canadians will get to jump on the Red Balls, attack the Pitch Fork, thrash the Fence Flapper, smash the Smack Wall Sweeper, and basically, go medieval on that course’s … uh, patootie.

Or, like most, they’ll just become a human pinball. But Canadians can take it. Meanwhile, I’ll hunt up more contestants. I’ve got an anger therapy class and a politician on speed dial.

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