Scientists and scholars the world over are applauding the accomplishments of their colleagues now that the 2012 Nobel Prizes have all been awarded. I am withholding my praise until I can figure out what the winners have actually done.
I’m glad there are so many dedicated people working anonymously to make an obscure discovery or take one small step towards a future benefit for all mankind. But to be honest, most of the work being recognized is hard to understand for regular guys like me.
Some findings, like the discovery that mature cells can be reprogrammed to become pluripotent, have a practical application. In the field of stem cell research this may some day lead to growing human tissue and organs for use as spare parts when we age or get sick. We can all relate to that.
But the Nobel Prize in physics, for groundbreaking experimental methods for the measurement and manipulation of individual quantum systems, leaves me cold. And in chemistry, the studies of G protein-coupled receptors may be Nobel Prize worthy but I still don’t know what they’re talking about.
What we need is an alternative to the convoluted, esoteric jargon so prevalent in the scientific community, a way to recognize accomplishments that the average Joe can relate to.
It just so happens that such an award exists. As I Googled to find out what G protein was, I stumbled across another annual prize called the Ig Nobel award. Every year 10 of these awards are presented for unusual or trivial accomplishments in scientific research.
The Ig Nobel awards were first presented in 1991 as an American parody of the real Nobel Prizes. The Igs are given annually for “discoveries that cannot or should not be reproduced.” The idea was to first make people laugh and then make them think.
That first ceremony awarded some groundbreaking work including the invention of Beano, that well-known foe of flatulence. In education, U.S. vice-president Dan Quayle was awarded for demonstrating more than anyone else the need for teaching science in school. Also recognized was the finding that female malaria mosquitoes are equally attracted to the smell of limburger cheese and human feet. You don’t say.
Since then the Igs have revealed some amazing accomplishments in the field of questionable scientific research. Dr. Elena Bodnar was awarded for her invention of a brassiere that can be quickly and easily converted into a protective face mask, one for the wearer and one for a lucky bystander.
In the field of Fluid Dynamics the award went to a group studying the patterns of liquid-sloshing to learn what happens when a person walks while carrying a cup of coffee. This is important research. I have often shown up for a meeting only to discover, much to my horror, a large coffee slosh down the front of my shirt. I hope they find a cure for that.
Two French researchers were awarded an Ig in medicine for their work advising doctors who perform colonoscopies how to minimize the chances their patients will explode.
An engineering Ig was awarded for perfecting a way to collect whale snot using a remote control helicopter. An award for chemistry was shared by one group who discovered Coca Cola was an effective spermicide and another group who discovered it is not. I wonder how they came to those conclusions.
There is no reason why the Nobel and the Ig Nobel can’t co-exist. For example, André Gein won a Nobel for his experiments with the substance graphene and he won an Ig for another project using magnets to levitate a frog. This could affect frog jumping contests everywhere.
I would like to propose another award for high-achieving commoners. It will be named for the standard we all use to recognize everyday accomplishments and will be called the Sliced Bread Award. How many times have you heard someone say that a simple invention or small innovation is clearly the best thing since sliced bread?
The first Slice could go to whoever it was that actually first sliced a loaf of bread and opened the door to such tasty creations as the grilled cheese, ham on rye and the ubiquitous BLT.
This new award, just like the Ig Nobel, should make you laugh and think at the same time if you’re lucky enough to earn a well-deserved Slice. You can’t say that about the Nobel Prize.
