I read the news today and a panel of leading climatologists has ambiguously declared that humans are probably partly responsible for global warming.
At the same time I thought I heard a resounding chorus of “Who cares?” from concerned citizens around the world.
Tell us something we don’t already probably know.
It doesn’t really matter who’s turning up the heat if you are one of the lobsters in the pot, waiting for the water to boil.
We get it – Earth can expect severe weather, high temperatures and all kinds of nasty stuff for the next few centuries or so. These scare tactics are getting a little old.
In fact, all the alarming predictions have desensitized many of us to the entire issue. Global warming has become a global bummer that we are just tired of hearing about.
If we’re going to tackle this thing head on, the spin doctors need to generate some genuine enthusiasm. Don’t they have anything good to say about the situation?
Canadians are the luckiest people in the world in many ways and we don’t care for bad news.
That’s why I decided to look on the positive side of the imminent death, destruction and devastation predicted by the experts.
First, and most importantly for citizens living in Northwestern Ontario, higher temperatures mean lower heating bills. Nothing wrong with that.
In fact, global warming might have positive effects on all northern regions of the planet including Russia, Scandinavia and Canada.
For one thing, rising temperatures means that fewer vulnerable and disadvantaged people will freeze to death during the winter months.
Unfortunately this benefit may be offset by the increased number of people who expire from heat-related causes and air conditioner malfunctions.
But on the other side there will be many economic opportunities in air conditioner sales and repair.
Clearly, global warming is a glass half empty/glass half full kind of deal.
On one hand, rising ocean levels will flood low lying coastal areas but on the other, many territorial disputes will be resolved.
For example, India and Pakistan argued over the ownership of Moore Island in the Bay of Bengal for years.
But now that the island is completely submerged there is nothing to fight about except seaweed and tropical fish.
Some scientists are predicting huge global changes we could never imagine.
Once the glaciers melt we can expect some of the world’s tallest mountains to get even taller as they rebound from the weight of the ice and snow.
One optimistic scientist predicts that greenhouse gases might be able to delay or even prevent the coming of the next ice age.
That would be a blessing for most Canadians although five mile thick ice sheets could be a boon for the national bobsled team.
Wealthy countries like Canada don’t seem to be concerned.
Our country is huge, rich and underpopulated with vast natural resources and a good chunk of the world’s fresh water.
With warmer temperatures our forests will become more productive and new species will expand north into the tundra.
The oceans will continue to rise but most of Canada’s coastal areas are uninhabited. Here in Thunder Bay we’re high and dry (183 metres above sea level).
Whether your glass is half empty or half full and whatever global warming throws our way, Canadians are poised to benefit from this global disaster.
As temperatures rise we can just turn on our air conditioners and cool off with a refreshing drink of water.
That will be cold comfort while most of the planet slowly sizzles and simmers until it is done like dinner.
